


My name is Carnival

by Sierra Roo (SoySierra)



Series: My name is Carnival [1]
Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Drama, Dubious Consent, Fluff, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Slow Burn, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoySierra/pseuds/Sierra%20Roo
Summary: Carnival always gets scared when Joker shouts. Most of the time the shouts are not even directed at him, but that doesn't matter. Carnival ends up hiding in some corner of the apartment and it is Arthur's job to eventually get him out of there.Or how Arthur's different personalities deal with each other.
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/Carnival, Arthur Fleck/Joker, Joker/Arthur fleck/Carnival
Series: My name is Carnival [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592347
Comments: 29
Kudos: 164





	1. Under the table

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe anyone has done this yet. It's something I've wanted to read since I'm in this fandom so I have no choice but to write it by myself. Tell me I'm not the only one who wants to see these guys together!

_In the meadow_  
_And their white halos spin_  
_With an anger that is thin_  
_And turns to sorrow_

_King of all_  
_Hear me call_  
_Hear my name_  
_Carnival_

My Name Is Carnival

Jackson C. Frank

Carnival always gets scared when Joker shouts. Most of the time the shouts are not even directed at him, but that doesn't matter. Carnival ends up hiding in some corner of the apartment and it is Arthur's job to eventually get him out of there.

Arthur is always more patient with him. He understands.

In those moments his head looks out from under the table. That is the place he has chosen this time.

“What are you doing down there? Did you argue again?”

Carnival would like to tell him that there is no such thing as "arguing" between Joker and him. That Joker always seems to be angry for one reason or another and that he reacts as he can to his rage attacks. That there are no words spoken between the two. That their dynamics are summed up to attack and flight.

Carnival would like to be able to explain all this to Arthur, but he knows it would be useless. Then he says nothing.

Arthur remains with an outstretched hand for a few seconds.

“Hey, come on. What was it this time?”

Carnival remains impassive. He doesn't like it when Arthur talks to him like that because it reminds him of the way he talked to Penny and he's not crazy like she was.

Arthur finally sighs, settling beside him. His hand passes around his shoulders, pulling him slightly towards himself.

“Do you remember that child in the hospital? The one who didn't want to get vaccinated?”

Arthur speaks very close to his ear and there is a smile on his lips. His defense melts little by little. Carnival can't do anything against it. It's so similar to when it was just the two of them.

“Do you remember how he got vaccinated when you pretended that you were going to do the same?”

Carnival can't stop the smile from sliding down his lips. Oh yes he remembers it! That day even the nurses had congratulated him on his work. A glorious moment for both of them. But then he remember..

“He doesn't like children.”

He says it so softly that Arthur does not hear him and must repeat it again. Arthur looks at him strangely.

"He doesn't like them? How do you know that?"

This time it is Carnival's turn to show patience. He may be the most naive, the dumbest of the three. He knows. But even then there are things that only he seems to know.

“Besides he doesn't know any song. He doesn´t contribute with anything to our diary. Only those pictures of women with little clothes ...”

Carnival speaks in whispers as if someone were to rebuke him if he raised his voice. Arthur cannot avoid laugh at this.

“What's the problem with that?”

Carnival observes him shocked, he can't believe that Arthur doesn't really see what the problem is.

“It is in-ap-pro-pri-ate” He points each of the syllables with one finger, while still looking very ashamed for having to refer to that matter.

Arthur looks at him for a moment with tenderness and then bends over to deposit a gentle kiss on his cheek. The green wig making a slight tickle in his nose.

“Don´t worry. I will talk with him. I will place bookmarks on the pages he occupies so you won't have to see them.”

Carnival nods. Inside, he would like Arthur to stay under that table with him for longer. He would like to tell him that this is not the real problem. But Arthur already walks away and he doesn't.

To be continue...


	2. Ukelele

Carnival knows how to play the ukelele. In fact, he does it very well. He is proud of his little ability and likes to use it to cheer Arthur up when he has had a bad day.

However now, since Joker lives with them, he is afraid of using his instrument for fear of disturbing him. Joker is always sitting on the couch watching the news with a cigarette in his hand.

He doesn't like the news. He gets bored. He prefers Mr. Chaplin's movies. Someday he would like to be like him. Maybe, if he were funny enough and made money from it, Arthur would no longer need Joker to live with them and everything would be as it was before. Only both.

Carnival sighs. If he wanted that, he would have to be a much better clown than he is now and that would only be achieved in one way: working hard.

That is why that day he decides to face his fears and dares to take the little ukelele out of his bag of belongings. He must tune it first. Giving a nervous look at the living room where Joker sits, he rehearses some chords. The nerves before a possible reprisal grip his fingers, but with the thought of Arthur's happiness he manages to overcome his insecurities.

Soon, they are just his instrument and he. The notes follow one another with versatility and he feels flowing so much with the music that closes his eyes.

It's like this for a few moments until the sound of applause distracts him.

When he open his eyes, his confusion cannot be greater. Because it's not Arthur who cheers him from the doorframe but Joker.

Joker, who looks at him with an expression mixes fun and something else that he cannot finish placing, but that worries him even more than if he had yelled at him.

To be continue...


	3. Feral

Carnival preferred not to interact with Joker more than strictly necessary. Fortunately, the other seemed to share his same desire since he rarely spoke to him.

When Arthur slept, he opted to retreat to one of the armchairs and remained silent until he woke up. Joker, on the other hand, used to watch television or read a newspaper. In contrast to the two of them, he never slept. Carnival believed that maybe that's why he was always angry.

“I know you told Arthur that I don't like children.”

Carnival takes a moment to realize that he was talking to him. Stirring uncomfortably in the chair, he nervously observes Arthur who was still resting. That sounded like a reproach and he didn't want to have to deal with Joker alone. Raising his feet on the couch, he hugs his legs in a protective gesture. Joker continues, appearing to be oblivious to this.

“You're right. I don´t like them. Arthur thinks he knows some things about me but doesn´t understand everything.” He exhales a puff of smoke without taking his eyes off the TV. 

“However, you ..”

He looked at him with that strange expression and Carnival hugged himself more strongly.

“Do do you want to know why I don't like them?”

Although Joker maintained a pleasant tone there was something in his smile. Something in the way of raising the corner of his lips that made him seem feral. Carnival quickly shakes his head fearing to irritate him if he didn't answer.

“I don't like them because every time I see a child I remember what they did to you in that alley and then I feel I can't control myself.”

To be continue...


	4. Park

The park is deserted at that time but he knows that the children will arrive soon. There are at least two schools in the area.

This is his chance. He may have lost his job because of his incompetence but he will not lose hope. If nobody wants to hire him, there is only one option left.

Carnival outlines his best smile, places his hat on the floor and begins rehearsing his dance steps. With the wand in his hand, he advances in the direction of the first group of children.

At the time he returns home the train is full. People press him against the handrail and the suit stings him from the heat. But he feels satisfied. He has managed to get three bills and a few coins. It is nothing compared to what he earned in his old job but it is something.

Once he enters the apartment he suddenly finds Arthur who, judging by his state of semi-nudity, seems to go to the bathroom.

“Where have you been? I was worried.”

“I went for a walk.” Carnival smiles at him. He likes it when Arthur cares about him.

Arthur looks at him for a second before discarding any idea that has formed in his mind.

“Don't leave again so late. It is dangerous out there.”

“No, Arthur.” He responds obediently.

Seconds after Arthur enters to bathe, he slips into the bedroom and places the money raised in one of his pants. He prefers to do it that way so as not to hurt his ego. No matter how he got the money, the important thing is that Arthur is happy.

Carnival smiles proudly of himself, not realizing that someone else has watched his actions. Joker raises an eyebrow.

To be continue..


	5. Fear

The worst is when he dances. When Joker dances it means he has done something terrible. Carnival knows it.

In those moments Joker has entered as an exhalation to the department and has begun to dance. His suit is stained red. Carnival knows what that means.

“Are you all right ?! What happened ?!”

Arthur is distressed. He is always worried if one of the two may be injured. It doesn't matter that Joker seems immune to everything. Arthur doesn´t stop going after him when the red has stained his suit.

Joker smiles enigmatically. While he still dances he takes Arthur´s face in his hands and kisses him on the mouth. Arthur is paralyzed at this and Carnival thinks he is going to push him away sharply but no. The two look at each other for a few seconds and smile as if celebrating a private joke. Carnival can't help feeling hopelessly alone.

Soon, Arthur returns to his side on the couch, in his hands a bundle of bills like he had never seen. Carnival does not know much about money but judging by size is more than they have done working in a month.

He is so distracted by the gift that the other has given Arthur that he does not realize the moment when he is taken out of the couch until he is standing next to Joker ...

Joker, who dances around him with a slow rhythm, following a melody that only he can hear ...

Joker, who moves behind him and wraps him in a hug until his back makes contact with the other's chest ..

Joker, who exhales the smoke from his cigarette inches from his ear, one of his hands slowly going down his torso touching the vest of his suit ..

“Arthur?”

There is something similar to panic in his voice. He doesn't understand Joker's behavior and that makes him feel insecure. He thinks he is going to hurt him.

He always speaks very softly when he is scared so that Arthur does not listen to him ..

He doesn't listen him until suddenly he does. A gasp screams out of his mouth at the moment when one of Joker's hands brushes his private parts. A small puddle of water suddenly forming at his feet.

He had peed himself.

To be continue...


	6. Sleep

The memory returns in painful intervals in Carnival's memory. The touch of Joker's fingers in his private parts, the sensation of warm liquid running down his legs, the expression of bewilderment on Arthur's face ..

He was so confused ..

Joker's actions had not hurt him. Not necessarily. Even..

Even for a brief second he had felt good, pleasant. But that..

That's what scared him the most.

Because the things Joker did were not supposed to be pleasant. Joker was dangerous. He had arrived to get in the relationship between Arthur and him. If he had been someone else, he would surely have hated him and everything would have been easier.

But he couldn´t hate anyone, not even the children who had hurt him. As much as he wanted something else, it was his nature. He could not change it.

Carnival takes refuge under the blankets.

Sometimes he just wishes he could disappear. Simply cease to exist. It is not necessarily a new desire for him. He had been able to feel it before, when he was on the ground and they kept hitting him.

He can't help feeling guilty about it. Deep down, he knows that this is one of the reasons Joker is accompanying them now. He knows that if he had been a better clown, stronger, braver, he could have defended the young lady in the subway, he would have fought against those guys, even ..

No. He doesn't want to think about that. That was the day Joker entered their lives. It was not a happy day for him.

Sometimes he can hear Joker and Arthur argue. They don't do it very often, but before the episode they didn't. He can hear Joker kicking the walls, throwing things off the shelves, shouting ...

Carnival knows it's his fault.

He sleeps for weeks.

To be continue...


	7. Smile

It is Arthur's voice that wakes him from his long lethargy. He feels the heat of his body behind him, one of his hands surrounds his waist.  
  
“You only sleep now”  
  
The vibration of his voice tickles his neck.  
  
“I miss you”  
  
Arthur speaks with a certain tone, he knows it, it is the one which uses when something makes him very sad. Carnival feels sorry, he doesn't deserve anyone to worry about him. Not even Arthur. There have been so few occasions when he has been able to cheer him up. He has been such a bad clown.  
  
For a second, he considers the possibility of taking his ukulele and rehearsing a melody. That always made him happy. But he feels too weak.  
  
“It would be better if I left”  
  
Carnival says softly against the pillow. He knows that Arthur is going to be mad, but he has already made his decision. Arthur is and will be the most important thing for him. He can't keep doing him miserable.  
  
He just wants one last thing before leaving. One last, minimal thing. He wants to see Arthur's smile one last time. He is too weak to do any of his tricks, but he has learned something that can do it. Ironically, he must thank Joker for this.  
  
Carnival turns a little to face Arthur. He has closed his eyes to gain courage, he doesn't know if he can do it if he meets his gaze so close. He takes a breath, count a second, two and then closes the distance between the two by placing a quick kiss on his closed mouth.  
  
It is less than a second, and he quickly departs ashamed, opening one eye to observe Arthur's expression. He just opens and closes his eyes and for a moment Carnival fears he was horribly wrong. That had worked with Joker, but nothing guaranteed that it would do it with him.  
  
But then..  
  
Oh then …  
  
The corner of Arthur's lips rises gently. The smile slowly making its way between his lips, the expression of intense jubilation on his face ..  
  
And there happens something that Carnival did not expect. Arthur kisses him. He kisses him and it's like being at home. It is warm and soft and fills his stomach with things that vibrate and Carnival shivers because suddenly it is too much joy that comes out through his mouth, and he feels immense desire to laugh. Laugh like he hasn't done in months.  
  
To be continued...


	8. Kisses

Carnival knows he hasn't thought things through very well. His act of courage has led him to something wonderful with Arthur but presents a problem that he had not calculated.

Now he can't leave. He still thinks of himself as a burden for Arthur, but after what he has done, what they have shared ..

He doesn't want Arhur to think he has taken advantage of him. A kiss is a serious thing. He can't just leave now. That's what bad guys do on the shows that Penny used to watch in the afternoon. They always fled after having left the girl pregnant. The girl then cried and asked for help for her baby. That is a horrible thing and he is not a bad guy. So he stays with Arthur the following weeks.

After that kiss something changes in their dynamics. For the first time, Arthur seems to be more aware of him than Joker. They watch television holding hands, they go to the park together, even ..

He blushes just thinking about it.

There have even been more kisses. He is no expert, in fact his experience in that area is void. But with Arthur ...

With Arthur he learns that there are different types of kisses. There are short kisses of "Good morning" or "Goodbye" which are the ones he is used to, just that instead of the cheek he now gives them in the mouth.

Then there are the kisses "I was worried about you" those are somewhat longer and are usually accompanied by a hug.

Finally, there are the kisses that make him blush. Those kisses are the longest of all and are the ones that made him know the inside of Arthur's mouth. Because yes, when Arthur kisses him that way he makes their tongues meet. That has tickled him the first few times but he has tried not to laugh so that Arthur does not take offense. Long kisses make him laugh but also cause him something else ...

But he is not going to talk about this because those are adult things.

Something else has changed since they shared that first kiss. It's something that makes his chest swell with joy every night. Now they sleep together.

When the sun sets, Arthur takes him by the hand and guides him to the room. There, he lifts the sheets to make room and lies down next to him. Sometimes, he rests his head on his chest, sometimes he hugs him from behind. It is the closest thing to happiness that has felt in months and he can only enjoy it. Everything would be perfect if it were not ...

Because Joker is still with them.

Although the relationship between Arthur and him have cooled to the point that Arthur hardly speaks to him, Joker continues to be a presence between the two.

At first, Carnival feared that the change in their relationship would generate some kind of retaliation. Nevertheless..

Joker seems to be the ghost of what he once was. He is no longer with them in the apartment all day, but goes out a lot, sometimes for days, he never says if he will return or not. He knows that, despite his feigned indifference, this is something that worries Arthur. He knows it because whenever Joker returns he lets out a small unconscious sigh.

Joker no longer monopolizes the sofa or television. In fact, when the three coincide in the living room, while they watch the cartoons, Joker smokes and looks through the window. That is something that he is always doing: Smoke. Arthur does it too, but not as much as he does. Carnival believes that someone should tell him that this is not good for his health, but he is always too nervous to dare to do so.

Sometimes, when it is time to sleep and the two go to the room, he can feel the presence of Joker watching them from the door frame. Arthur never invites him to pass and he makes no attempt to enter.

Carnival begins to feel sorry for him. He knows he shouldn't. That this is the best opportunity for Joker to leave Arthur's life and be the two again. But..

He has already been in that place and knows how it is. Feeling lonely, useless, displaced. He can't do that to anyone. Not even someone like Joker ..

"I think we should watch the news today. I say, to vary a little ..." His voice is a thread, but Arthur listens to it anyway.

"Are you sure about that? You always get scared when they show what is happening on the streets .."

Carnival looks sideways at Joker, who has stopped looking through the window to focus his attention on their conversation.

"Yes, I think it's fine. It is important to be informed.” Concludes, leaving room on the couch.

Joker focuses his gaze, first on him and then on Arthur. The latter only sighs changing the channel. The afternoon news fills the room.

Very slowly, as if he had lost all the confidence he had in himself, Joker tentatively take a seat in the empty place next to Carnival. Once there, a shy smile is drawn on his face but Carnival does not see it. He is too focused on staying as still as possible so as not to make contact with his body.

To be continue..


	9. Adult things

For the first time in his life, he wishes he had someone else to talk to. Arthur has been his friend, his family, the beginning and the end of his world. However now ..

He is in a dilemma. He can't talk about these things with Arthur. Not because Arthur is not going to understand it but because this are adult stuff ... and he is directly involved in them.

The relationship they have now is the best thing that has happened in his life. He cannot think of a time when he felt better, but this change has opened a new world that holds more mysteries than certainties.

What he feels now when Arthur approaches him, when he talks to him, when he kisses him, when they share the bed ...

He knows he loves him. He has always loved him. But this is different than what he felt before. Stronger, more pressing. It leads him to want to do things, to want to behave differently. The problem is that he doesn't know exactly how.

His ignorance imprisons him. He needs to talk, he needs to know. And there is only one other person he can turn to.

Joker smokes in front of the window. He seems thoughtful. These days he has been much more relaxed. He is no longer absent continuously. Carnival thinks it's because things with Arthur have improved.

Outside is a gray day. A light drizzle has begun to fall. Arthur has gone for supplies before the storm breaks. Carnival gathers all the courage he has. It is his opportunity.

"Nice day"

Stupid, stupid! Is that really what he chooses to make conversation? Thunder is heard in the distance to make him feel worse about himself. There has gone all his courage.

Joker raises an eyebrow, his expression is a mixture of wonder and fun. Carnival would also be surprised if it was him. It is the first time he speaks to him directly.

"Yeah." Joker takes a breath of smoke and then exhales it outside. "It's a nice day."

He seems to think that genuinely. Even so Carnival has already lost all his courage and feels unable to continue. The problem is that he doesn't feel able to run away either. He doesn´t know what to do. In an unconscious act he begins to swing back and forth on his huge clown shoes.

Joker watches him a moment before returning his attention to the window. The smoke spirals around him. The two remain silent for a period of time until ..

"You want to ask me something?"

Carnival contains the breath. Now he has no escape. He closes his eyes, lets out the air and with it his question.

"Howdoyoumakelove?"

He says it quickly and softly, without pauses between one word and another, without breathing. It takes Joker a few seconds to understand what he has said, but when he does a loud laugh fills the room. The force of laughter makes him drown with the smoke and soon he is laughing and coughing in equal parts.

Carnival feels as if someone had put something heavy on his belly. Great, Joker mocks him. He is about to head to the fridge and not leave until Christmas when Joker grabs him by the arm.

"Wait, wait! I'm sorry!" Joker seems unable to stop laughing, but he knows it's not like Arthur's laugh. He can't help it, instead Joker ...

A sudden anger rises to his throat.

"I know I'm a fool. You don't have to make fun of me."

This has an unexpected effect. Abruptly, Joker stops laughing. His gaze suddenly acquiring an intensity that makes him shiver.

"Who told you that?"

Unable to hold his gaze, Carnival stirs restlessly while playing with one end of his vest.

"Nobody. I just know it."

"That's not true" There it is again, feral. His posture and expression have changed so suddenly that Carnival can't help but back off a bit. He doesn't understand why Joker seems to be angry.

"I let some children steal that sign, I took a gun to a children's hospital, I lost the job that sustained us ..”

_I made you, a ruthless murderer, appear in Arthur's life._ He would have liked to say, but he doesn't. He values his life too much.

“That-is-not-true.”

Joker punctuates each word with a dangerous slowness and Carnival loses all the desire to contradict him, so he just nod.

Joker approaches to one of the sofas and drops on it. With his legs and arms extended he gives the impression that he owned the whole place.

"What do you want with Arthur?"

"Sorry?" The question surprises him while he is looking at the fridge. His attention is busy wondering when to flee.

"You want to make love with him, don't you? Or is it with someone else?"

Carnival rushes to shake his head. The little hat swinging precariously over the wig. There would be no one but Arthur in his life. He couldn't even think about doing that with someone else.

"Well .."

Joker seemed to be extremely amused again.

"I have many and varied things to teach you, but first ... What do you want with him?"

Carnival only stops for a second to think. The answer is clear to him.

"I want to make Arthur happy."

Joker smiles again but this time is different. Carnival can recognize affection when he sees it.

"Good, and what else?"

Carnival doesn´t understand. Why should there be anything else?

"Nothing else."

Then something strange happens. Joker extends his head back and exhales a large puff of smoke.

"Then it won't work."

Again, it is as if someone had placed something heavy on his stomach. _It won´t work_. The phrase sticking painfully into his chest.

"B..but why?"

Joker smokes for long seconds. The tension growing little by little, until eventually Joker lets out a sigh.

"Arthur is very similar to you in many ways. He wants your happiness too. If you just want the other to be happy then it won't work. You must want something for yourself. Something that only Arthur can give you.”

Carnival thinks. Something that only ..

Well, there is something but he is not sure that ..

"Tell me what it is."

Now Joker sees him directly. It is as if he somehow read his thoughts. Carnival adjusts the flower of his suit.

"Well there is something .."

He sighs, he's very embarrassed to talk about it but he has no choice. It makes no sense to go back now.

"Before we were like this. There was a time when Arthur and I were together. I mean, all the time. You must remember it too. Never separate. Be inside him."

Joker nods silently, there is some recognition. That gives him courage.

"It was warm, nice. Sometimes I would like to feel it again ..."

It is the moment when Joker decides to get up. He extinguishes the cigarette in the ashtray and approaches with determined steps to where he is. Placing a firm hand on his shoulder, his words sound like promises.

"I can help you with that."

To be continue...


	10. Lesson

Joker's dick is red and hard when he pulls it out of his pants. Out of shame, Carnival looks away but Joker reprimands him "How are you going to learn if you don't see?" He is right. Despite his discomfort he forces himself to look.

He is not completely oblivious to what Joker shows him. Something similar happens to him too. But it's only when Arthur gives him some kind of kisses, or when he's alone and thinks about him.

It is not something that happened to him before and that baffles him. It makes him feel hot and uncomfortable. But what bothers him the most is that he doesn't know what to do about it when it happens. He only knows things about children and this is not about children. Joker has been very kind to agree to teach him.

Joker asks him to show him his parts too, but he refuses. What if someone sees them? If Arthur just came in? Joker assures him that it won't happen. The bedroom windows are closed and Arthur will not return until night. They can be calm. Carnival is not calm but deep down he knows that he must seize this opportunity.

His penis is not hard like Joker's. Nor does he feel that sensation in the lower part of his stomach. Just now that he needs it to know, his body does not respond. Joker is not upset.

_It only happens when something turns you on, a person or a situation._

This is what he tells him and Carnival can't help noticing that Joker has been hard since the beggining. He doesn't know what to think about it so he says nothing.

_You can also make it happen if you touch yourself._

Joker does it to show him. He touches himself and urges him to do the same. Carnival seeks to imitate him as best he can. He caresses himself from the base, circling the tip with his fingers but nothing happens. It doesn't feel pleasant, just strange.

_Close your eyes. Imagine that it is Arthur who does it._

Despite his embarrassment, Carnival follows his advice. Arthur is always patient with him. He would do it slowly. He imagines for a moment that it is Arthur's hand which closes around his dick, that are his fingers running through it. Carnival imagines his smile while telling him that this is not a bad thing. That is what people do when they love each other. That he wants it too and then ..

Oh!

Carnival feels it. There is the familiar sensation in his abdomen. His penis grows in his hand and he smiles because he has succeeded. He is finally doing something right!

The sensation grows more and more, it expands from his abdomen in all directions. It runs through his body in fast pulsations. His legs tremble, his throat closes. There is again the desire to do something but he does not know what. Carnival feels elated, feels alive.

Until suddenly..

The fear.

Always the fear. He doesn't know where it comes from. But suddenly it's there with him. Everything is too strange and he has no control. Carnival hears Joker's voice as if it came from a very distant place.

_Don't stop!_

No, no. Carnival wants to stop. He wants to open his eyes and stop all that. He doesn't know what will happen and that distresses him. His hand stops but that does not relieve him. On the contrary, his penis is still red and hard and it is painful and uncomfortable. His legs weaken threatening to stop holding him. Everything was so good. He doesn't understand why it has ended like this, he doesn't understand what he should do. He feels like he's going to cry.

_Shhh. Hey, It's okay. I'm here. You can rely on me._

Joker speaks to him in a way he has never heard him before. He speaks softly with a tone that reminds him too much of Arthur's.

_It hurts._

It is all he can say. He doesn't want to open his eyes. Joker is helping him after all the negative thoughts he has had towards him. He helps him and he can't even follow his advice. He doesn't want to be a new disappointment.

_I know it hurts. That's why you must go on._

Carnival feels his presence very close. Even without opening his eyes he looks for him gropingly. Joker is a few inches away and he desperately takes refuge in the space between his neck and his collarbone, his hands clinging to his suit. It's a nice suit, he would hate to ruin it.

_I'm scared. I feel I will die.._

Carnival feels Joker shiver under his body. His voice is heard as if it came from a very distant place.

_You will die. But just a little. Then you will live and it will feel good. I'll do it too. Look at me._.

Carnival dares to open his eyes. In the space between their bodies, he can see that Joker strokes himself again. He does it very slowly. His penis is still swollen and red and it is in that second that he understands that Joker has been suffering in the same way as he. The certainty of that shared pain gives him courage.

Carnival imitates him in his movements and this time he does not close his eyes. He feels again that sensation that makes him dizzy and scares him but this time he feels more confident. He may die but Joker will be there with him. He will not do it alone and that comforts him.

They increase the pace. The sensation becomes more and more intense, more and more constant. His free hand clings to Joker as if he were his last support until suddenly the world darkens. That is dying, but it feels good, the pain is transformed into something else and it is exactly as Joker has described it.

Later, when he is alone, he will notice the fact that on that second occasion, when the world went dark and he died, he forgot to think of Arthur.

To be continue...


	11. Rejection

Since that lesson in the room, Joker behaves increasingly strangely.

He smokes constantly. He has always done it but lately even Arthur seems to be worried. One cigarette after another at intervals that are getting shorter and shorter.

Nor does he seem to be calm for a long time. If they watch television joker´s knee jiggles in a frantic movement. Carnival does not understand. He and Arthur have not argued again. Deep inside, Carnival knows it's his fault but this time he doesn't know exactly what he has done wrong.

Worst of all, he has discovered that he misses him. Of course he has not forgotten what Joker has done (and what he is capable of doing), but somehow Joker has been so kind, has been so patient having taught him things ...

Now he feels safer with him, more able to talk to him and share moments.

Arthur also seems to be happy with him. Carnival had been so immersed in his own depression and guilt that he hadn't noticed it before. Despite his intense concern for his actions, he sees that Joker can also make him laugh, that together they can talk about things he doesn't understand.

It is too ironic. A few weeks ago, his greatest wish was for Joker to leave Arthur's life, to be only the two again. But now he fears that on one of the occasions when he goes out the door he will no longer return and that frightens him more than anything else.

"Are you coming back?"

It is the first time he verbalizes his fear aloud. Joker stops his exit, his hand on the doorknob. He has been smoking all afternoon and looking out the window. He has not spoken to them even when Arthur has invited him to sit down to eat. That is something very unusual. Carnival feels that there is something final in the way he has behaved all day. He is sure that if he does not speak to him this time he will never speak to him again.

Joker smiles but there is something in his way of doing it that reminds him of Arthur. That is not a happy smile. He is sad, he deduces, and cannot help thinking of singing a song to cheer him up.

Joker approaches him slowly, until they are facing each other. One of his hands runs smoothly across his face. His fingers wander through the green curls of his wig, press his clown nose a little and brush his cheek until it ends on his lips. Carnival shivers, he had never been touched that way before but he likes it. His touch is very gentle but his look makes him nervous so he closes his eyes.

"No, I'm not going to come back." He says in a whisper against his ear. "Do you want to know why?"

Carnival nods weakly and that is when everything changes. Joker grabs him by the collar of his shirt and spins him crashing his body against the table in such a violent way that Carnival lets out a gasp. This is the Joker he knows. The one who has feared since day one.

"THIS!"

He leans full body against his back an Carnival can feel his hard penis against his buttocks.

"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO ME EVERY TIME I AM CLOSE TO YOU!"

Joker speaks with fury and despair. As if he came from a long battle he had just lost.

Carnival remembers that day in the room. Joker had been hard from the start and he hadn't understood why. Suddenly he feels a huge desire to cry. Joker imprisons him more against the table, his hands holding his as if Carnival were going to make some attempt to escape. Carnival doesn't want to escape, just disappear.

"If I don't go now I will end up doing something horrible with you. And you ask me if I'm going to come back?!"

Carnival can't answer him. The pressure against his body increases more and more until ..

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

Arthur

The pressure disappears, he is no longer a prisoner, but he barely has time to assimilate it. Arthur has storm in the room pushing Joker with his whole body. He is furious. Carnival sees him pounce on Joker hitting him with all his might. Joker stumble losing balance when backing up. They have argued before but never like this. Arthur seems to be out of his mind. His fists impact again and again against his face and suddenly there is blood everywhere.

Carnival feels sick. Everything is horrible. He wants to hide but cannot even move from his place, he only manages to cover his eyes so as not to see. He can hear the gasps, Joker's choked breathing mingles with Arthur's insults until, from one moment to another, everything is silent.

Carnival discovers his eyes just to wish he hadn't. The scene in front of him is even worse than before because Joker has drawn his gun and now points it at Arthur. His face is a mixture of blood and paint.

"BACK OFF, YOU FUCKING FREAK!"

Carnival can see the exact moment when the initial shock of being targeted with a gun is replaced by the hurt.

Joker had never, not even in his blackest days, called him that. Freak is the word that strangers use to insult him when Arthur can't stop laughing. Joker has never called him that.

Never..

Carnival can perceive Arthur's pain as his. Now yes, the tears he has been holding all this time slide freely down his cheeks.

Arthur doesn't seem to know what to do. His gaze wanders nervously between Joker and Carnival. His hands glide tremblingly to his stomach rising to his chest as if touching himself he could be sure that that horrible nightmare is real.

Laughter begins smoothly but soon gains its characteristic strength. Arthur doubles in two unable to control it. His chest is shaken and his breathing stops so often that Carnival fears to see him die drowned. That takes him out of the shock. Soon, he is next to him trying to calm him.

Joker keeps the gun in his pocket and takes out a bundle of cigarettes. Light one and start smoking while walking from one side of the room to the other. His hand slides through his hair in a clear gesture of nervousness. He seems to try to calm down but the hand holding the cigarette is constantly shaking and his steps do not stop.

"I've tried! I've tried to take care of you two from day one! I've killed those who have hurt you!"

He spits a mixture of saliva and blood on the ground. His steps stop in front of them.

"I've even brought money so you don't have to take risks in the streets again." His voice cracks for a moment.

"But worst of all. What hurts me most is that I have loved you!"

He throws the cigarette to the ground and step on it to put it out.

"I LOVED YOU BOTH AND YOU STILL REJECT ME!"

A new wave of laughter refills the room. Arthur is on the ground shrunk on himself and Carnival doesn't know what to do to help him other than hold him weakly. Joker removes the gun from his pants and points them a second. Then he points to himself. He does not seem to be able to think clearly and Carnival fears he will do something crazy. He must do something to avoid it, he must ..

"Don't do it." He whispers, he always whispers when he's afraid. His body trembles and his instinct is to hide in the nearest place but he knows he can't do it. Not this time.

Joker has turned his back on them. Carnival thanks him. He thanks him because what he is going to say next is something so intimate and difficult for him that he doesn't think he can do it if Joker looks him in the eye.

"It's fine if you want to do it. I know you want to do with me what he did to Arthur. Arthur never talks about it. What it was like to live with Penny and her boyfriend but .."

Carnival takes a breath. He has never talked about it with anyone, not even with Arthur. He knows that was terrible for him. Arthur has saved him from everything. The memories, trauma, pain, anguish. There is only one thing that could not save him: fear. The fear that accompanies him constantly.

"Don't go. You can do that with me ... just don't go."

To be continue...


	12. Apology

"Don't go. You can do that with me ... just don't go."

Joker shows no signs of moving. The only indication of having heard him is his breathing, increasingly erratic. Carnival knows that he must take courage.

He stands up. Arthur tries to stop him by holding him weakly. _Don't do it,_ his eyes say before a furious wave of laughter makes him convulse again. Carnival feels a warm feeling inside. Arthur has always cared for him. He has saved him in so many different ways ..

It's time to do the same for him ...

His insecure steps take him to where Joker is. Carnival moves slowly, thinking every move. He doesn't want to surprise him and incite an attack.

Once he is at his side, he moves one of his hands until he tentatively touches his back. His pale hand dramatically contrasts with the red of the suit. He remains like this for a few seconds, waiting for rejection, violence but nothing happens. The tremor comes a few moments later. Joker's body trembles under his hand and that finding is so unusual and so improper of him that at that moment Carnival forgets his fear and sees him as a child. An injured and angry child who fears his own fury. That gives him confidence. After all, he has always understood more about children than adults.

Arthur watches as Carnival wraps Joker with his arms, resting his head on one of his shoulders. Arthur can hear him whispering something but at first he cannot clearly decipher what it is. Only when his laughter gives way and he is able to catch his breath, when his body gradually relaxes after the effort, is he able to understand Carnival's whispers.

A melody. The classic song he used to sing in the children's hospital “If you’re happy and you know it” only with different lyrics. The "happy" in the song had been replaced by negative emotions.

“If you’re mad and you know it, stomp your feet”  
“If you’re sad and you know it, cry out loud”

Once the song is finished Carnival waits. Arthur's laugh has completely subsided. For several seconds silence reigns in the room. Joker has stopped shaking, his body leans against Carnival.

"Where did you learn that?" Joker had closed his eyes and spoke with a smile on his lips. His true smile.

"I've been working on my material." He responds proud of his achievement.

"I want to be a better clown but I think sometimes it's hard to always be happy."

Joker just nods.

Arthur sees from the ground as Carnival gently guides Joker until they are both sitting on the couch. Carnival takes one of his multiple clown scarves out of his pocket and with it he begins to clean the blood from his face.

Gone is the explosive fury, now Joker is a docile puppet. The long scarf removes paint and blood in equal parts. Once finished, Carnival places a soft kiss on his cheek. It is at that moment that Joker seems to wake up from his trance.

"No."

His hand on the other's chest stopping his advance.

"I won't do it. I'm not going to do that to you."

Joker holds his gaze seriously.

"Maybe I am a monster, but I will not be that kind of monster."

Arthur stands up and leaves the room. Carnival fears that somehow his behavior with Joker has angered him but he soon discovers that this is not the case. Arthur returns a few seconds later with a small box. Sitting next to Joker on the other side of the couch, he takes one of the brushes to load it with makeup. Both Carnival and Joker, watch his movements closely.

When he seems ready, Arthur looks for a sign of approval in Joker. The other nods imperceptibly and then Arthur begins his painting work. Soon red, white and blue are delineating his features again.

Carnival cannot see him from his angle but after a moment he can hear Arthur reprimanding him gently.

"You must stop crying or the makeup will be ruined."

Joker moves fast, as if Arthur's words had put something back into operation. With both hands he takes Arthur's face and kisses him. It is so unexpected that Arthur is also surprised. The brush is halfway suspended in the air. Joker kisses his mouth hungryly but there is something more there than simple desire. Carnival can see it, it's not just "a long kiss.” It talks about something else. It is a deep apology.

Carnival feels a sudden happiness fill him. Contrary to his past experience, he does not feel displaced. He has begun to perceive himself as part of both.

To be continue...


	13. Three

The storm has fallen on him with all its intensity. Arthur has tried to protect the bag of food by placing it inside his jacket but it has been in vain. The groceries are as soaked as he is.

He enters the department, places the keys on the table near the door and that's when he notices. There is something different. Arthur can't say exactly what it is but it is there.

"I'm home!"

He announces himself as he goes to the living room and that's where he sees it. That strange feeling ...

The television is on but neither Carnival nor Joker pays attention. They watch him. Both are sitting on the couch. Next to each other. Their bodies in contact. There is no space between the two.

"Is everything ok?" he asks nervously.

"Sure." Joker responds, smiling as he stands up.

"You're soaked, let me help you."

Arthur leaves the food on the kitchen table. Carnival disappears and then reappears with a towel. While he dries his hair, Joker helps him take off his wet clothes. He doesn't know exactly why so many attentions, it's not his birthday.

A warm feeling envelops him. Gone is the cold of the rain, the harshness of the city. There, with Joker removing the icy clothes and Carnival gently drying his body, he feels numb.

Arthur closes his eyes and smiles. He mustn't pretend to be someone else next to them.

After dinner, the three sit down to watch TV. Arthur has gone to shower and now he can be relaxed dressed only in his pajama pants.

It's not the news or the cartoons but an old black and white movie. He likes it. The story tells a romance between a man and a woman and the difficulties they must overcome to be together. It is a simple story, with a happy ending.

His attention is on it until something distracts him. Joker has stopped concentrating on the screen to see him directly. Arthur knows that look. He has seen it on other occasions when they have been alone. He knows what it means, but then something strange happens. Joker raises his hand, leaving it suspended in the air. He connects his gaze with Carnival. Carnival takes it. Arthur does not fully understand the situation. Joker winks at him and brings Carnival's hand to his crotch.

"What ..?"

He does not finish formulating the question since Joker's mouth soon closes on his. Joker kisses him with a desire that overflows him and then Arthur cannot concentrate on anything else.

Carnival can feel Arthur's cock growing rapidly. With a mixture of intrigue and fascination he sees how Joker's attentions awakens Arthur´s body until soon his penis is hard under his hand. The kisses deviate from his mouth and then slowly descend to his neck. Arthur tilts his head back to give him space and then Joker connects his gaze with his. Carnival knows what to do, they have already talked about this before. His words resonate in his mind as if he had just spoken them.

_When you feel that the fabric of his pants is tightened on his erection, you must unfasten them and open his zipper. Once you have done it, you should lower his underwear. That will relieve him._

With trembling hands, he follows the instructions. Internally, he thanks Joker for being so descriptive. He has learned certain things with the lessons but doing those things with Arthur is still something new for him.

Joker briefly moves away from Arthur's body to kneel between his legs. Arthur observes him surprised, no doubt he has questions. They had never done anything like that. No, with Carnival at least.

Carnival takes advantage of that moment to kiss him. He would not have the skill of Joker in that area, but he has ceased to be the shy lover of weeks ago.

From his position on the floor, Joker sees them kissing for a moment. After rearranging his own erection in his pants he takes Arthur's cock with one of his hands and then puts it in his mouth. Arthur groans in Carnival's mouth. The latter stops the kiss to concentrate on the actions of Joker.

When Joker explained what oral sex was, he could only feel a strong rejection. _That should not be put in the mouth_ , it was his first thought. _It's very pleasant, you'll see,_ he had said with a funny expression.

They have already talked about this but seeing it is something completely different. Joker shakes his head in a certain way, with one of his hands he holds the base of his cock and with the other he massages his groin. All this causes Arthur to writhe on the couch and runs a hand through his hair compulsively. From time to time, Arthur's cock disappears completely into his mouth which leaves Carnival stunned since he didn't think that was possible without causing arcades. In those moments, Arthur said “sorry.” His hips moved spasmodically and entered again and again into Joker's mouth but he didn't seem to care. In fact, he seemed to encourage him to do so.

Suddenly, Arthur brings one of his hands to his mouth, stifling a scream, pushes with his hip one last time, his entire body in tension, and Joker swallows quickly three times.

At the beginning, Carnival is confused. Joker had nothing in his mouth before ..

_Oh._

He understands when that white liquid of strange name slips down the corner of his lips sliding down his chin to his neck. Carnival feels an unstoppable curiosity.

Joker is still recovering when he stands next to him. Very slowly he approaches his neck and picks up the white liquid with his tongue. He is not sure what to expect. It is strange, slightly salty. He is not sure that he likes the taste, however, knowing that it comes from Arthur gives a new dimension to things.

A faint groan catches his attention. With an arm extended over his face, Arthur watches them with an expression that seems to be pleading. That encourages him to continue.

Holding on to the lapels of Joker's suit he licks his chin looking to get even more from that salty liquid. Joker takes advantage of that moment to connect his tongue with his in a deep kiss while his hands struggle to remove his clothes. Carnival agrees, it has started to get very hot, so he also helps Joker take off his suit.

There he notices. Joker is the same way as that day in the room. His cock is again swollen and red so he decides to relieve him.

"You have learned well." He feels Joker's smile press against his skin. Carnival feels his chest swell with pride.

Joker continues to kiss him, his tongue goes down his neck and stops at his collarbone. Carnival laughs, that tickles him.

Joker's cock is very hot in his hand and at times it slips. Joker has explained that this happens because another liquid but he is bad at remembering the names. Joker's breathing becomes deeper and heavier until his body suddenly shakes and his hand gets wet with the whitish substance equal to Arthur's.

Carnival feels fascinated. He has accomplished the same thing Joker has done. He has made Joker give him that white liquid that makes them feel so good. Carnival brings his hand to his mouth, also savoring Joker. It has been a victory.

He is about to stand up when he is stopped.

"Wait, there is still something .."

Joker is almost out of breath but still seems to conserve energy to continue. Carnival is no longer so sure of this part. He trusts Joker but still ..

Arthur has taken a cigarette from somewhere and watches them curiously from the couch. Joker runs a hand through his hair, recomposing himself.

"Arthur, Carnival wants to have sex with you." He says without further ado and with a smile on his lips.

Carnival feels the heat rise to his cheeks. Embarrassed he whispers something to Joker in his ear.

"Oh! It's true, sorry. My mistake. He wants to make love with you." He corrects himself, emphasizing the phrase "make love."

Arthur blinks fast, swallows dry, and then articulates a tiny “OK.” Carnival who had covered himself with his hands in embarrassment, discovers them to meet Arthur´s gaze. His expression a mixture of fun and deep affection.

"Good! That's perfect!"

Joker stands up interrupting the moment.

"Arthur, will you let me?"

Arthur watches him, at first without understanding, and then quickly nodded. With the cigarette still in one of his hands he places himself face up on the couch. Joker takes advantage of this to finish removing his pants and underwear.

"Can you spread your legs, baby? Good, that's it. Wonderful. We have a good angle from here, now Carniv..Where are you going?"

Carnival is stopped halfway to reach the fridge. He is no longer sure he wants to do it. He has talked to Joker before but ..

Suddenly everything has become too real and he does not feel capable. What would happen if after doing that with Arthur, he ended up hating him? What if he ended up hurting him like Penny's boyfriend? He couldn't ever forgive himself.

Suddenly, Arthur is next to him.

"Hey." He speaks to him softly. "Everything is fine. This is what I want too. I have wanted this for a long time .."

One of his hands gently guides his face until their eyes connect.

"I trust you and him. I know that despite what has happened you will not hurt me."

Joker looks away embarrassed by his previous actions. Carnival feels that warmth, which he has always associated with Arthur, to seize him again. Everything will be fine.

Again, Arthur has placed himself on the couch. Joker and Carnival watch him from one end.

"Very well. Can you go to the bathroom and bring that?"

Carnival nods nervously, rushing to the bathroom. Once back, he delivers it to Joker.

"This is going to make things easier for us. Look."

Joker introduces two fingers into the jar. Carnival watches him closely. It seems to be a kind of oil. Once the fingers are soaked, Joker directs them towards Arthur's crotch. Only he doesn't stay there, keep going a little lower.

"Are you ready?" He consults, lightly stroking Arthur's hip. The other nods exhaling a puff of smoke.

Then Joker does something with one of his fingers, making Arthur's body tense.

"Are you ok?"

Joker asks without withdrawing his hand. His attention is focused on Arthur's expressions. Carnival, see that sweat bathes his forehead. Despite his confidence and experience, he can see that Joker cares about not hurting Arthur.

Arthur agrees again. Joker directs his attention to him.

"Now, you must do the same."

Carnival doubts but Joker does not flinch.

"You must do it or he will not be ready. If you don´t prepare his body to receive you, you will hurt him. If you hurt him I will have to kill you and if I kill you then I will have to kill myself because I could not live without either. Do you understand how everything would get complicated?”

Arthur gives him a reproachful look and Joker winks at him. Despite his crudeness, his words put an end to Carnival's doubts. Repeating the procedure he has seen, Carnival takes one of his fingers to place it where Joker is. Arthur stretches one of his legs and flexes it again. He seems to be uncomfortable but there is also something else.

Carnival can feel the intense heat enveloping his finger. He can also perceive Joker´s finger next to his and suddenly a thought assails him. Both are inside Arthur. The feeling of vertigo returns to his stomach and he can feel his penis swelling. Joker notices this and smiles at him.

"That's it. Now, move your finger without removing it."

Carnival feels like being in a dream. His finger moves almost by itself.

"It's like it sucks it." Think out loud and instantly regret having done it.

"Yes, it's what he will do with you when you're inside him."

Carnival feels the blush take hold of him again. Arthur growls, the cigarette, forgotten in one of his hands. His hips have also begun to move.

"You're doing very well. See his expression. Listen to his sounds. That way you'll know you're doing well."

Arthur groans like an injured animal. Pronounce their names between one exhalation and another. His cock is hard again.

"There you have it, that's your signal. He's ready. I'm going out of him now."

Both Arthur and Carnival whisper a protest. Arthur feels empty and Carnival fears continuing without his help. Joker rehearses a kind of reverence.

"Oh no, no. This is your time to shine. You know what you have to do. I'm just going to do this before."

He puts his fingers back in the jar but this time he doesn't take them to Arthur but closes them around Carnival's erection. The cold touch of his hand is a momentary relief to a desire that only grows.

Once finished, Joker caresses his back slightly. He passes next to Arthur to take the half-finished cigarette from his hand and drops on one of the sofas to watch them.

Carnival stares back, for a second paralyzed, until Arthur's voice returns him to reality. Arthur calls him in a voice that speaks of supplication and surrender. Then Carnival understands that everything he has done has led to that moment. To the instant that Arthur will finally be his.

Carnival enters him, not without some difficulty. It is the first time of both but the confidence that Arthur places in him is contagious. Soon, Carnival is moving. He hardly leaves his body too much, he does not want to get too far away, not now that he is inside of him and is fulfilling his desire.

It´s nice and warm and reminds him of the times when they never separated.

Arthur moves under his body. He grabs him with his legs and arms as if he didn't want to let him go either. Under Joker's gaze, the two love each other until the world darkens.

Later, when the three are finally in the room, sharing a bed that is definitely too small for three adult men, Carnival will have his moment to reflect.

Now he understood, Arthur, Joker and he, were connected in such a deep and intimate way that they needed each other to survive. They were very different, and maybe they could never overcome certain differences, but if the three stayed together, none would feel rejected again.

The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! That's all folks! I thank you very much for your support in following this unconventional story. Your kudos and comments were a very important company during this story!  
> I hope you have a beautiful night and I wish everyone a good start to the year! Until next time!


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